Days leading up to the surgery

I think it was a blessing that there was such a short turn-around time between the MRI results and the scheduled surgery. I only had a week or so to get things in order and prepare for major surgery. In fact, there was so much going on, that it is hard to look back and remember all that I did during that week.  Things were so busy, and emotional, that I didn’t know what to say in a blog update. (I am writing this update after the surgery, so even some of my memories may be inaccurate).

It is a real challenge to try and plan to put much of your life on hold for 4-6 weeks.  Personally, we tried to manage the bills, house chores, and general responsibilities that would arise.  David was great at taking care of most of the house-related items.

All of my amazing work colleagues made the process as easy as possible.  They were so supportive and understanding.  However, it is really hard to prepare others for any work related question or situation that might arise.  Only one other time in my work life (my honeymoon), was I unreachable via email.  This was a challenging situation for me.  However, my boss and colleagues humored my lengthy to-do lists and updates so that they would be prepared as questions arose. 

If I am being truthful, I think I focused on those things, because they are things that were within my control. It was so much easier to worry about a work email issue, than the upcoming surgery or potential results that might come from that.

During the week of my surgery, I was notified that my iron levels were too low to go into surgery. As a result, I went in for another iron infusion.  The infusion process is relatively simple, and I am quite familiar with them at this point.  I have been getting them for nearly a year at this point.  The iron infusions are given in a facility that also gives chemotherapy treatments. I have been aware of this in the past, and always felt for the patients that were there for chemo.  However, at this point, it hit me that I was there for an infusion, but I am also a cancer patient.  This is a reality that is still difficult to sink in at times.  As always, the infusion process was simple.  The whole thing takes about two hours, after some monitoring, and I was home.

As for the emotional piece to this situation, I don’t even know how to put it all into words. I don’t think to call it an emotional roller coaster does it justice. I could literally go from feeling fine, to being in tears in a matter of seconds, and for no particular reason.  I take great comfort that I have fully researched all options and know that this is the best route for my personal health for the long term.  It is still a gut wrenching decision that no woman expects to have to make at 33 years old.  I thought I still had time to have children, start a family and now those decisions (in the traditional sense) have been taken out of my control.  I do know that God has a plan in this situation, and there are other ways to have families, but there is still a grieving process to this news and the finality that I will physically not be able to carry a child.  Again, it isn’t the end of the world, plenty of wonderful children need homes, but I wouldn’t do this journey justice if I didn’t mention the emotional hardship that comes along with this.

I am also so thankful for insurance.  The co-pays, deductibles and patient portions of procedures are expensive, but I can’t even imagine what it must be like for people who do not have insurance.  It seems that a new bill arrives almost daily for a doctor, procedure, or we have to get a new prescription. God has always provided in the past and I am sure he will in the future, but being sick is a real financial strain, as costs come from all kinds of unexpected places.  It is a stressor, wondering how things are going to all come together, especially around the holidays, but I know that they will.  This is a minor concern in the big scheme of getting healthy and getting through this cancer!

I was lucky to have numerous friends checking in on me throughout the week to see how I was doing and to offer any support that they could.  Each one of those calls, emails, cards and texts were really special to me. I just am not sure what to ask for in the way of assistance. I don’t know what I need, and how to ask for help.  The concern, caring and offers mean so much though.

The day before the surgery, I was only allowed to consume clear liquids and had to do surgery prep in general. This wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought.  Again, I had David to keep me company and several friends that stopped by the evening before surgery to spend time with me.  This helped keep my mind off the surgery, as much as possible at least.

We found out we had to arrive at the hospital at 6:30am.  David, my Dad, my friend Melissa and DeAnn were all there with me at the hospital.  I will end this entry there, and will make the next entry tomorrow about the hospital, surgery, recovery and news that we have about potential results.