Surgery day is FINALLY here…

The night before surgery, I had my bag packed, details all taken care of, nerves somewhat in check and had done all of the preparations required for the surgery.  I was very lucky to have a houseful of visitors the night before surgery.  This gave me wonderful time to socialize with friends, and it had the unintended consequence of keeping me from stressing too much about the next day.

Once the house settled down, Melissa, David and I chatted for a while and then decided to watch TV.  I couldn’t believe it, but I actually fell asleep on the couch.  For those of you that know me, I NEVER fall asleep on the couch.  I have terrible insomnia and can’t even sleep normally at night.  Even when I made it up to bed, I slept until about 4am, which is unheard of for me, and 10 minutes before my alarm was set to go off.

I got up, showered and shaved (who knew how long it would be before I could do that again), took my required meds and got the last few things together.  I cuddled and picked up Dixie, knowing I wouldn’t be able to pick her up for 6 weeks after the surgery!  We left the house at 6am sharp and got to VCU right on time.  My surgery wasn’t scheduled until 10am, but they wanted us there at 6!  (In case the surgery before mine didn’t show up).  This meant there was a lot of waiting.  They finally called me back to my room about 8, and started to get me hooked up.  I was dehydrated, so it took 5 tries to finally get an IV started.  All else went well, and we just continued to wait.

My Dad and DeAnn arrived about 9am, and it was nice to be surrounded by so many supportive people. The waiting was the hard part.  At this point in the process, I was ready to get the show on the road. The doctor then came to inform me there was a delay in the previous surgery and it would be at least another hour before they could take me. 

During this time, the anesthesiologist came into the room and explained the process, including an epidural and general anesthesia to control the pain.  At about 10:30, I said goodbye to my family and the doctors were going to prep me with the epidural and get ready for surgery.  It took several tries and they could not get the epidural right.  In the midst of the epidural issue, one of the doctors, trying to help, mentioned to me that if I decide to have children in the future, I might want to let the doctors know that it is difficult to get an epidural in me.  I just kind of looked at her. I thought..ummm, I’m here for a hysterectomy…I won’t be here to have a child in the future!  I’m sure she wasn’t thinking and she meant no harm at all, but it did catch me off guard a bit.  After several tries, they called the attending physician who seemed to get it. However, he administered the medication and it didn’t seem to be working properly.  About this time, they started to give me the sleepy meds for the OR.  I last looked at the clock at 12:00pm on the nose. 

When I woke up, all I could feel was EXCRUCIATING pain, like none other. I was crying, screaming and miserable.  Someone explained to me that the epidural did not work, and they were working to try and control my pain.  Needless to say, it was not under control and I was miserable.  I couldn’t stop whimpering and crying and praying for relief.  I wasn’t able to see my family until I got up to my room.

The only good news in this process is I was able to have my own room, which was a Godsend!  I hate having to share a hospital room, for so many reasons.  It’s hard to be considerate of someone else, and what if they don’t care about being considerate about you.  So, through my pain, I was thankful for that!

My family was really concerned about my pain level and kept trying to advocate for me.  The medical staff was concerned about giving too much pain medication, due to the fact that I just woke up from surgery and they wanted to be able to keep my vitals strong.  Over the course of the night, the pain did get better, but it was a MISERABLE night to say the least.

One great piece of news that I do remember, is that the doctors told us that the cancer was contained to the uterus and uterine wall.  They only had to remove the uterus and cervix, and were able to leave the ovaries and fallopian tubes.  We have to wait 2 weeks for pathology results, but their initial prognosis is that I will likely not need radiation or chemo, which is AWESOME news.

The stay in the hospital was uncomfortable, but I had good nurses and staff.  The pain was miserable, but that was to be expected. I felt very confident in my surgical staff and they checked on my regularly, even over the weekend. I was SO blessed to have so many family and friends come and visit, bring gifts and send gifts.  I felt so much love from all over the place and it no doubt helped me heal faster!  The flowers, balloons, gift baskets, bears, and other goodies, filled my heart and my hospital room. They needed an extra cart to get it all to the car when I was discharged!  Thank you to all who called came to see me and some of you drove great distances. I am very touched and blessed.  I progressed well at the hospital and was able to be discharged a day early, and went home Monday evening, instead of Tuesday.  There are certain “milestones” that you have to pass to show your body is ready to function normally at home.  As I hit those, the doctors gave me the option of going home Monday or Tuesday. They couldn’t get me out of the door fast enough.  I was ready to go home!

I was sent home with a slew of medications, pain pills, ibuprofen, iron, stool softener, blood thinner injections, and other vitamins, all of which I am taking as scheduled!  I am using my breathing treatments as needed to prevent pneumonia, and am moving around as ordered to keep blood flow moving to my extremities.

Being home is wonderful.  There is something healing about being in your own house, with your family, and my wonderful doggie.  She was so sweet and remained fairly calm. It was almost as if she knew she needed to be careful with me.  She snuggled with me and kept me feeling loved.  David took great care of me, and continues to do so.  Friends and family continue to call and text regularly. Wonderful friends have brought us food so we don’t have to cook. My work sent a lovely basket with gift cards, for nights we don’t have to cook.  My cup runneth over, and I don’t know what I did to deserve so much love and so many blessings, but I appreciate them all.

For now, the physical healing gets a little better each day.  I am working some from home, as I am able.  I am still in pain and working around it as I am able.  I am trying to take it easy, but that is difficult for me sometimes J.  The emotional side of the surgery is starting to sink in and is harder than I anticipated it to be.  

I have scheduled an appointment with the oncologist psychiatrist to speak with her about my process, which I think will only help in my recovery.  It has been two weeks since my surgery.  I am moving around pretty well, can do most things on my own…though I am NOT lifting anything over 5lbs…doctor’s orders for 6 weeks. 

I am sure I missed some details about the surgery, but you get the general idea, it went smoothly.  There are always a few hiccups, but overall, all went well, and we are on the recovery side of the process.  We are hopeful that there will be no radiation or chemotherapy necessary.  I will keep you posted!  Much love to you all!

Days leading up to the surgery

I think it was a blessing that there was such a short turn-around time between the MRI results and the scheduled surgery. I only had a week or so to get things in order and prepare for major surgery. In fact, there was so much going on, that it is hard to look back and remember all that I did during that week.  Things were so busy, and emotional, that I didn’t know what to say in a blog update. (I am writing this update after the surgery, so even some of my memories may be inaccurate).

It is a real challenge to try and plan to put much of your life on hold for 4-6 weeks.  Personally, we tried to manage the bills, house chores, and general responsibilities that would arise.  David was great at taking care of most of the house-related items.

All of my amazing work colleagues made the process as easy as possible.  They were so supportive and understanding.  However, it is really hard to prepare others for any work related question or situation that might arise.  Only one other time in my work life (my honeymoon), was I unreachable via email.  This was a challenging situation for me.  However, my boss and colleagues humored my lengthy to-do lists and updates so that they would be prepared as questions arose. 

If I am being truthful, I think I focused on those things, because they are things that were within my control. It was so much easier to worry about a work email issue, than the upcoming surgery or potential results that might come from that.

During the week of my surgery, I was notified that my iron levels were too low to go into surgery. As a result, I went in for another iron infusion.  The infusion process is relatively simple, and I am quite familiar with them at this point.  I have been getting them for nearly a year at this point.  The iron infusions are given in a facility that also gives chemotherapy treatments. I have been aware of this in the past, and always felt for the patients that were there for chemo.  However, at this point, it hit me that I was there for an infusion, but I am also a cancer patient.  This is a reality that is still difficult to sink in at times.  As always, the infusion process was simple.  The whole thing takes about two hours, after some monitoring, and I was home.

As for the emotional piece to this situation, I don’t even know how to put it all into words. I don’t think to call it an emotional roller coaster does it justice. I could literally go from feeling fine, to being in tears in a matter of seconds, and for no particular reason.  I take great comfort that I have fully researched all options and know that this is the best route for my personal health for the long term.  It is still a gut wrenching decision that no woman expects to have to make at 33 years old.  I thought I still had time to have children, start a family and now those decisions (in the traditional sense) have been taken out of my control.  I do know that God has a plan in this situation, and there are other ways to have families, but there is still a grieving process to this news and the finality that I will physically not be able to carry a child.  Again, it isn’t the end of the world, plenty of wonderful children need homes, but I wouldn’t do this journey justice if I didn’t mention the emotional hardship that comes along with this.

I am also so thankful for insurance.  The co-pays, deductibles and patient portions of procedures are expensive, but I can’t even imagine what it must be like for people who do not have insurance.  It seems that a new bill arrives almost daily for a doctor, procedure, or we have to get a new prescription. God has always provided in the past and I am sure he will in the future, but being sick is a real financial strain, as costs come from all kinds of unexpected places.  It is a stressor, wondering how things are going to all come together, especially around the holidays, but I know that they will.  This is a minor concern in the big scheme of getting healthy and getting through this cancer!

I was lucky to have numerous friends checking in on me throughout the week to see how I was doing and to offer any support that they could.  Each one of those calls, emails, cards and texts were really special to me. I just am not sure what to ask for in the way of assistance. I don’t know what I need, and how to ask for help.  The concern, caring and offers mean so much though.

The day before the surgery, I was only allowed to consume clear liquids and had to do surgery prep in general. This wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought.  Again, I had David to keep me company and several friends that stopped by the evening before surgery to spend time with me.  This helped keep my mind off the surgery, as much as possible at least.

We found out we had to arrive at the hospital at 6:30am.  David, my Dad, my friend Melissa and DeAnn were all there with me at the hospital.  I will end this entry there, and will make the next entry tomorrow about the hospital, surgery, recovery and news that we have about potential results.