They say that patience is a virtue. It is clearly a virtue that I am still working to master. Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment to get the MRI results and determine a treatment plan with the oncologist. I am very excited to finally know the MRI results and know what I am up against. However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of what those results might show. I am hoping and praying for the best news, but every now and then the "what-if" sneaks in and I wonder what will happen if the cancer has spread or is more problematic than we are hoping. In my head, I know that there is no benefit to worrying about something that I have no control over at this point, but I can't seem to help it.
I find that my mind is consumed with the diagnosis and what the prognosis will show tomorrow. Even in a crowded room of friends, my mind wanders to think about it. I am really glad to know that I will have a plan of action prior to Thanksgiving. I won't be left in limbo during the holidays. Whether the news is good or bad, I will be surrounded by family as I process the news.
Medically, there isn't much news to report. I continue to have symptoms of bleeding and pain, but it isn't as bad as last week. I did call VCU this week to check in and make sure that they have all the documents and reports that they need in order to finish the treatment recommendation. The VCU tumor board meets tomorrow morning, and I'll get the results right after that meeting.
Emotionally, this week has been a roller coaster, to say the least. In quiet moments, I find myself emotional and crying. It sometimes doesn't seem real. It feels like there had to have been a mistake with the diagnosis. However, three oncologists don't have wrong results. Now, I just try to move forward and focus on ways to deal with this and make the best decisions for my health and our family.
I will post an update on the MRI results once I have them and are able to share them with everyone. I appreciate any positive vibes for the appointment tomorrow. I pray all of my family and friends have a wonderful Thanksgiving with people important to them!
My Dear Erika - I typed a long reply on here a few days ago and due to technical errors lost it all so I am going to give it another shot. As I have read your entries, I feel somewhat like I have been on the rollercoaster with you. Obviously not in terms of what you are actually dealing with but because you have done such an amazing job of describing and detailing what you are experiencing, thinking and feeling. Never doubt your ability to share your story with all of us in a very poignant way. A way that is touching, real and heartwrenching all at the same time. I know it must be hard to share all of this but I am grateful you have done it as it helps me understand (as much as anyone it isn't happening to can!) You are such an amazing person and I think about you and what you are going through everyday. I love you and am hear for you in whatever way I can offer. Thank you for being the beautiful, caring, strong person that you are. Now kick cancer's ass!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, by the way...Mydie is Myra. I have no clue why it is using that!
ReplyDeleteThanks Myra,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your message. I love and miss you. I wish that you were closer, but I wish I could see you in person! Hopefully one day soon!
I will talk to you soon.
Love,
Erika