Initial Diagnosis

I have never entertained the idea of a blog before. However, with recent events, I feel like it might be cathartic for me to put words to my emotions and experiences. I know that when this journey with cancer is over, I want to be able to look back over these blogs and remind myself how I felt and what I experienced at the different stages of diagnosis and treatment. For those that wish to follow along and share in my journey, you are welcome to do so. I make no promises of witty comments, or even that it will be interesting! You will see the random thoughts and ramblings that I have, along with the treatment updates and information that I learn along the way.

CANCER...a word that you never want to hear from a doctor. Hearing that diagnosis over the phone was like a punch in the gut. Fortunately, my husband was with me to hold me as I cried. Through my tears, I tried to take in all of the information that the doctor was sharing with me. Before I get too far ahead of myself, a little back story is in order.

For nearly a year, I have been struggling with issues related to anemia and a bleeding disorder. Numerous doctors have investigated, run tests and been unable to diagnose the root cause of the issue. While searching for a diagnosis, I was hospitalized for severe anemia, and required blood transfusions and several months of iron infusions. Since David and I hoped to have a child in the future, my doctor referred me to a top fertility doctor in Richmond, who has the ability to diagnose and test much more extensively.  I LOVED this doctor from the start and had hopes that he would be able to resolve the issue.  After several tests, it was determined that I needed to have surgery to remove uterine polyps and a thickened lining. This is a fairly routine surgery, and it occurred without a problem. The doctor was able to perform a hysteroscopy and a D and C to remove all items.  Everything looked great and it seemed as though the root of the issue was finally resolved.

However, a phone call on October 29 changed everything.  The surgeon called and said that he had received the pathology report from my surgery the week before. The cells removed from my uterus showed that I have cancer in my uterus. He quickly told me that this is an extremely treatable version of cancer and he listened to me as I cried.  However, I can only tell you pieces of what he told me during that call because I was in such shock. He provided me a referral to the oncologist, and connected me directly with the office, where I promptly made an appointment.

It has been nearly a week since the diagnosis, and the emotions have been nothing short of a roller coaster. I know that God has a plan, and I feel very optomistic that things will work out, and this will be treatable, but that doesn't make it any less scary or overwhelming. It turns out that uterine cancer is generally found in post-menapausal women, and that contributed to doctors having a harder time diagnosing the cancer, since it is so rare for someone that is my age. All of my doctors have never seen this cancer in someone under 40.  I guess that means I'm a record setter for their practice, though that's not really a record that I would want to hold. :)

Treatment for this cancer can vary so much and will depend upon the oncologist appointments that I have next week.  Generally, treatment does include at least a partial hysteroctomy, though that is not a guarantee.  Raditation is a likely treatment, and chemotherapy is only necessary if the cancer has spread to other areas, which will be determined in a future procedure. I am trying to educate myself on all of the possible options, without anticipating the worst case scenario, or doing too many dreaded google searches for information!

The cancer alone is scary, but one of the scariest things is the likelihood that I may never be able to have children, at least not biologically.  I know there are many other parenting options, but I have always dreamed that I would be a mother. The outlook for that possibility has now been called into question. This issue alone has put me through emotional turmoil throughout the week. David has been my rock, and I don't know what I would have done without him.

I am so blessed, and that has been obvious throughout this week. The countless visits, phone calls, messages, deliveries and acts of kindness remind me how fortunate I am. I don't know how I will ever show my appreciation to those people. In addition, David has been exactly what I needed this week. He has been everything I could have asked for. He has waited on me, made me laugh, allowed me to cry, and helped me prepare for upcoming appointments. Most importantly, he has reminded me that we are a team. Whether or not we are ever able to have a biological child, my health is most important and we need to take care of that first. As we go through this journey, he will be there with me, along with friends and family.

My goal is to focus on all of the positive things that I have in life. While I know I will have setbacks along the way, we can deal with them, one step at a time. I plan to surround myself with positive people and influences in my life that will encourage and lift me up, and help me get through this. 

I have read that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react.  Well, I clearly cannot change the cancer diagnosis, even though I did ask the doctor if they double checked the results! I have control over how I deal with it, the positive influences in my life and the faith that I have in God that treatment will provide a cure.

Thank you to all of my friends and family, for being the support that I need, and offering that support without me needing to ask for anything.